I Want a Doll! (September 9th edition)

Patty Duke in Valley of the Dolls, 1967.

In which I tell you what I’m hooked on this week.

What I’m Watching: Lifetime has been teasing its Saturday premiere of Girl in the Box all summer long, and I’m pumped. This is such a bizarre case, which I first heard about thanks to a classic episode of American Justice (A&E’s marathons of which initially got me interested in the true crime genre). Frankly, I’m amazed it’s taken so long to get to Lifetime; I hope the movie does the story justice. But if it doesn’t, I can watch the two-hour documentary that immediately follows the movie.

What I’m Reading: I do love a conspiracy theory AND a bargain, so downloading Diana The Abduction Mystery Solved to my Kindle for zero cents was a no-brainer. (At that price, I’ll overlook the lack of punctuation in the title.) I look forward to having my mind blown.

What I’m Streaming: A few weeks ago, I listened to a preview for a new podcast called In the Dark, about the unsolved disappearance of Jacob Wetterling. And then over the weekend, the confessed killer led authorities to Jacob’s remains. The podcast is still going to air — the first two episodes dropped this week rather than later in September as originally planned — but I have to wonder whether the reporters working on it are secretly hella-pissed about this turn of events. I can’t even imagine the behind-the-scenes scrambling going on right now.

What I’m Drinking: I’ve been splitting a Green Monster with Chris every morning this week. (For realsies.) It’s not so bad, especially if you chug it down at peak coldness.

What I’m Trying: Trips to Ulta inspire odd purchases. I’ll be giving Tony Moly’s Egg Pore Cooling Pack a whirl while I watch Girl in the Box.

Reigniting the Sparkle

I’m back, bitches!!!

Sorry, I’m going to blame binge-watching prior seasons of RuPaul’s Drag Race on Hulu for that little greeting. Very rude of me. It’s not usually in my nature to be so salty.

Anyhoodle, I cannot believe it’s been so long since my last post — TWO YEARS. That’s bananas. So what have I been doing all that time? Working. Working. Working some more. Trying to spin a bunch of plates and dropping them right and left. Losing all sense of work/life balance. Really, it’s not been a sparkly good time on the whole.

BUT — in an effort to recalibrate, I got all my work caught up (for the first time in a few years, lit’rally) and notified my clients that I was taking a whole week off. E-mails would not receive replies, questions would go unanswered. I had grandiose ideas of getting my house in some semblance of order, and I did make a teensy bit of headway there, but I mainly indulged in some extended, unrepentant, glorious laziness. I’m talking daily naps, hours of podcasts while I putzed around with organizing my kid’s room, and that aforementioned RuPaul-a-Thon in the evenings. I feel semi-human again for the first time in a long while — which brings me back to my goofy little blog.

Serious opinions on the Lifetime movie of the week? I have them. Rants or raves regarding the monthly weirdness in my Ipsy bag? I have them. Bizarre little notions that strike me as funny and therefore must be shred? Yep. So check in and join the conversation!

WTF-ery: Shipping Shenanigans


I never shop at Walmart, for many reasons, but the lure of a fantastic deal I saw posted online recently got the better of me (wait for it…). Not having received any sort of shipping notification, I was surprised to find this box waiting in the mail today. It was kind of dented, but no big deal. Seemed kind of large, though…

Dimensions: 15 inches X 12 inches X 6.5 inches

Dimensions: 15 inches X 12 inches X 6.5 inches

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Length of paper stuffed into box for protection of fragile items: 68 inches. (Note for scale: My height is 60 inches.)

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And now the backstory: Someone posted on Facebook that Walmart.com had several Yes to Carrots lip balms on clearance for 8 cents apiece (yes, you read that correctly: $0.08). Because I’m my mother in many ways, I always need to have extra lip balms on hand, so I ordered these five, plus five in another flavor (also 8 cents) and two tinted versions that were 13 cents apiece. According to the Walmart website, the others are still processing and will arrive sometime next week — which means I’ll have at least one more box like this coming. For a (literal) handful of lip balms. Oh Walmart:



Operation Treat Yo Self

Welcome, gentle readers!

Whither this blog? Let me set the scene: I am a nub, perpetually frazzled and overworked (purely my own fault), and let’s just say that my sartorial style is a few levels below that of the average eight-year-old boy. I also have a tendency to deny myself things that I might want because I can’t “justify” the “expense” (and by expense, I mean things that are usually $10 or less — I’m not a high roller by any means). It drives Chris, my husband, insane.

At our neighborhood’s annual Halloween festival, a vendor was selling homemade soaps and lotions, and I splurged on a bar of Earl Grey soap (when Chris said that no, really, the $6 soap was perfectly okay to buy). Earl Grey is one of my favorite scents, and I absolutely fell in love with this soap, using it until it became a translucent sliver. After hemming and hawing for much longer than mere BAR SOAP warrants (seriously, you don’t want to go inside my brain), I finally broke down around Christmas and ordered more from the vendor’s Etsy page, and thus sprouted the seedling that would become Operation Treat Yo Self (OTYS) in the new year.

The purpose of OTYS is to get me to loosen up a little and sample small indulgences without feeling like I’m The Worst for doing so. Over the last few months, this has taken the form of subscription boxes. I stumbled onto the Julep site (I honestly can’t remember how), and then investigating it led to the Ipsy site. (More on both sites in upcoming entries.) Julep is mostly devoted to nail polish, but Ipsy is a total wild card in the sense that I don’t know month to month what I’ll be getting, so chances are pretty high that I’ll end up with items that I am clueless about using.

And that’s where you come in — feedback in the form of helpful tips or flat-out instructions when I post a photo and say, “WTF am I supposed to do with this?” would be most appreciated. Or you can just sit back and laugh at my feminine ineptitude — I don’t know your life, so whatever. But I think reviewing the contents of said boxes and other things that catch my fancy seems like fun, so here I am. And if you want to play along by issuing OTYS challenges, I would love it! (Okay, I should qualify that — I will not play along with things like suggested bungee jumps, but I would consider buying a freaky nail polish color and reviewing it. This isn’t Fear Factor.) So slather on your favorite face mask and let’s dive in, shall we?