“What’s in the box?!” Ipsy Glam Bag, July 2014

whats-in-the-boxSubtitled “I got a rock.”

(On a side note, yes, I am well aware that this is August 1, and I’m just now writing about the July Glam Bag. This last month has been insane with work. I don’t even know how many days I’ve still been working at 2am, so ye olde blogge here got a little dusty. Be prepared for a deluge of posts in upcoming days as I try to catch up and maybe test a few ideas I have percolating. And now back to your regularly scheduled tittle-tattle.)

Ipsy’s July sneak peeks — themed “Sensationally Sunkissed” — showed so many different products that I couldn’t even gauge which ones I might want for my so-called dream bag. Three different nail polishes were up for grabs, not to mention a Benefit mascara I wanted to try, so after the relative success of my June bag in terms of aligning with my interests, I had high hopes. Sad Trombone — that won’t happen again.

IMG_1709

Boy, that’s…pink.

Pink pleather bag vaguely shaped like ravioli? Barbie.

The "goods."

The “goods.”

What an intriguing array of items! Let’s take a closer look, shall we?

What a lovely shade of sludge.

What a lovely shade of sludge.

Cream eye shadow in a shade best described as “fading bruise”? No thanks (although it gets cute points for being so wee).

Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiink!

Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiink!

I liked the texture of this tinted lip balm and would actually consider trying it in a different shade. But this one (“Pretty Pink”) makes me look like I’ve just snarfed a can of bright pink frosting, so it’s a pass. (Um, I’m guessing, that is — a lady would never eat canned frosting with a spoon, of course.)

Nope.

Nope.

As per the June bag, Ipsy seems a little obsessed with sending me texturizing sprays that promise to give my hair tousled, beachy waves. These Bieber bangs of mine are not going to respond to that nonsense, thank you very much.

Yay, a full-size item! Boo, it's bronzer.

Yay, a full-size item! Boo, it’s bronzer.

I look like Lydia Deetz. I am FINE with looking like Lydia Deetz. Bronzer looks like dirt smeared on my face. Pass. (Although, as always, full-size products are nice.)

WTF, Ipsy?

WTF, Ipsy?

Dark tanning oil? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! It’s clear now that Ipsy’s bag fairy is just fucking with me.

So it only took four Glam Bags for me to become one of those whiny, entitled “OMG, I WILL CUT SOMEONE IF I GET ANOTHER [unwanted item]” subscribers (in my case, bronzer, salt sprays, and anything designed to make my skin look less jellyfish-like). My annoyance is two-fold:

  1. I diligently and immediately rate each item I get in my bag so that Ipsy can better understand my tastes, especially the portion of the survey that asks whether each type of item is something I want more of. I also indicated on my initial preferences quiz that I pretty much want nail polish and makeup only. Ipsy then says, “Whatever, Heidi, we’re sending you more beach spray.”
  2. When the Glam Rooms go live (i.e., when you can log on and find out which specific items will be in your “curated” bag that month), people eagerly post pics online and cheer or groan as warranted. Other people’s bags are often crammed with products I would actually like to try. What am I doing wrong? How do I need to have my profile set to get the occasional lip stain instead of tanning oil? (That said, I saw plenty of people online who had my exact bag configuration and were all, “Whee, best bag ever!!” I just hope they find my Pinterest Swap Board so I can maybe end up with something I might considering using.)

So, I dunno, Ipsy. You’re on the thinnest of ice right now. The bimonthly e.l.f. Beauty Bundle keeps giving me The Look, and if I don’t get some satisfaction in my next Glam Bag, we might have to have the “It’s not you, it’s me” talk (except it would totally be you).

Interested in trying Ipsy for yourself? You can sign up and then taunt me with how much better your bag is each month. Here are the details:
Cost: $10/month (includes shipping)
Contents: 4-5 samples, travel-size items, or full-size products curated to fit your health and beauty profile
Link to sign up: http://www.ipsy.com/r/8o26 (full disclosure — I earn points or something for referrals, so this is my personal link)
I personally paid for all items reviewed in this post.